This is the one of the most valuable lesson I have learnt during our pre-marriage counseling.
Harley’s First Law of Marriage:
When it comes to sex and affection, you can’t have one without the other.
Man and woman are so different in so many ways. One of the very important differences that destroy most marriage nowadays is this First Law of Marriage. Affection comes more naturally to woman than to man. Hugs and kisses, gifts and flowers, holding hands and touching. It symbolizes security, protection, comfort and approval. It simply means to the woman:
- You are important to me.
- I love you and will cherish you.
- I know you are upset and I’m with you
- I am so happy to be with you.
Without affection, the sexual event is unnatural for many women. And men have this all backwards! For them, sexual arousal makes them feel more affectionate. So it is like a cycle, if there’s a lack of affection (for wife), she shuts the husband off sexually. And when he doesn’t get enough sex, the last thing he feels like being is affectionate.
This is no rocket science and nothing really philosophical about it when you figure it out. Happy marriage occurs only when we can come to understand this First Law of Marriage and (for husband) learn to be more affectionate (motivated by your desire to meet your wife’s need) and (for wives) to respond with more eagerness in sex
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