How To Know Whether Or Not You Are Ready To Have A Baby

3 Feb

Saw this on Facebook today 🙂 And it makes great sense!!

MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls.

Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM.Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00
AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST
Obtain a large bean-bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.

Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their child’s discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve.

Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild.

Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

SERIOUSLY??

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8 Responses to “How To Know Whether Or Not You Are Ready To Have A Baby”

  1. Jim February 3, 2012 at 1:22 am #

    Haha! Humor based on truth is always the best!

    Like

  2. Nicolie February 3, 2012 at 8:43 am #

    do you plan to have a baby at the moment?

    Like

  3. andy1076 February 4, 2012 at 2:54 am #

    Wow that’s a lot of tests!

    Like

  4. sensesocommon February 9, 2012 at 2:25 am #

    This was actually being really nice about it, LMAO!! I am a mother of 2.

    Great Job!! This would be good prep. I wish I would have had this type of boot camp before I decided to have mine, LOL!

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Pregnancy Updates | Life on Mars - April 4, 2013

    […] that all this is happening and I am going to have a baby soon. (Read about the baby test —>here!) It’s a combination of fear and excitement at the same time. Will I still be ME when the […]

    Like

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